Welcome to a captivating insight into the world of temperaments! We're thrilled to have had the opportunity to sit down with Karen Stubbs, the visionary founder of Birds on a Wire—an inspiring ministry that empowers mothers across all stages of motherhood. With a remarkable 35 years of marriage to her husband Greg and the joy of raising four children and embracing five grandchildren, Karen brings a wealth of life experience and wisdom to the table.
Let's pull back to the 30,000-foot view for a moment, and then can you share what temperaments are and where they came from?
Temperaments have their roots in the teachings of Hippocrates and have been part of human understanding for centuries. My personal encounter with them occurred around 25 years ago when I struggled with my son Taylor's behavior at the age of 3. Thankfully, a friend recommended "Personality Plus for Parents" by Florence Littauer, which opened my eyes to temperaments and how God wired us all differently.
In a few words for each temperament, can you explain each color – red, blue, yellow and green?
Red- Strong Leaders, determined, mind of their own, they have a plan and want to be in control. The word that best describes red is control, and they get what they want through anger.
Blue- Sensitive, thoughtful, strives for perfection, attention to detail, creative, high standards. The word that best describes blue is perfection, and the way they get what they want is they are moody.
Yellow- People pleaser, the life of the party, they are loved by everyone, forgive easily, forget easily, positive, upbeat. The word that best describes yellow is fun, and they get what they want through charming someone.
Green- Laid back, Chill, go with the flow, don’t make a lot of waves, get along with everyone, don’t have strong opinions. The word that best describes green is control, and they get what they want through procrastination.
Are you born a color, or can you decide what color you are?
No, this is who God wired you to be. God tells us that He knitted us together in our Mother’s womb & we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Every Color has 4 essential core needs. What are they?
Blue- Sensitivity, space, support, silence.
Yellow- Adoration, acceptance, approval, affirmation.
Red- Sense of control, credit for their work, loyalty, appreciation.
Green- Respect, a feeling of worth, lack of stress, harmony.
What are examples of how parents can meet a core need for their children?
Allow them to choose a favorite toy/blanket to bring during treatment. Let a sibling choose a preferred snack, promoting a sense of inclusivity.
Express your unwavering availability and loyalty to them.
Create opportunities for them to exercise a sense of control during chaotic periods.
Foster an environment free from stress and turmoil.
Cultivate a sense of harmony in their surroundings.
Ensure their spaces are safe and calm, promoting their comfort.
Infuse elements of fun into their daily routines.
Provide them with ample attention and engagement.
Initiate conversations about positive aspects of life.
Offer rewards after challenging days, giving them something to anticipate.
Give them your complete and undivided attention, reinforcing their sense of importance.
Approach them with the question, "How can I assist you?"
Engage in open conversations to convey your support.
Let them know you are there to provide encouragement.
Allocate them time and space for solitude, respecting their need for introspection.
Understanding and catering to these core needs can significantly contribute to your child's emotional well-being and growth.
How can temperaments help to understand your spouse better?
Realize that God created us all differently, and not one way is right, and one way is wrong. Give each other space to deal with emotions in the way God wired them to. Appreciate the differences in how we all express emotions.
For more insights into the fascinating world of temperaments, tune in to Karen Stubbs' interview on The Lighthouse Podcast, where she engages with Chris and Christy in an illuminating conversation.
For more information on the temperaments, check out the document below.